Sam Tyler
by The.Squint
Summary: She stared at him and she knew that something was wrong, very wrong" Gene. Alex. Alcohol and a story in honor of Sam's memory three years after his death.


**I was watching Life on Mars the other day and It hit me what an amazing friendship these two characters share and I began to wonder how Gene feels about life with Sam and well, this is the result...**

**If you haven't watched Life on Mars [Then you should =D] this contains spoilers.**

**I do plan on finishing Let Me Go, but am having trouble fighting a deep case of writers block, but I promise that I will finish it, and to all those who are in the midst of exams [like me very good self] I hope they are going well!**

**I don't own Life on Mars or Ashes to Ashes, I like to play with characters at time.**

**Okay so, sit back, get comfortable and I hope you enjoy ... **

She strode in and her eyes found his shrugged form instantly. The annoyance of today still was burning away inside her over how this man could be so secretive, his eyes so cold and yet held such deep burning mystery that was so tempting to explore. She had tried many times to work her way into his mind and find out what secrets lay there and yet he would never allow her access, never let her in and always keeping his cards firmly to his chest and only allowing her to see a selected few and no more.

She stared at him and she knew that something was wrong, very wrong. He wasn't himself and hadn't been this past week and although she had tried to hide from the fact that this scared her, looking at him now she felt as an ice cold fear trickled through her body, despite standing in the warmth and comfort of Luigi's she couldn't retain a shiver. She stood at the doorway and simply stared at him as the fear took control of her mind and soul, he was the only thing that she could rely on, he was her constant, and the thought that her rock was cracking, threatening to crumble beneath her... She swallowed, unable to think about such a thought. This was _her_ Gene, the great lion of Fenchurch east, a man who would stare down a barrel of a gun with no fear, only spouting sarcastic comments; surely he wasn't crumbling before her eyes?

Yet still memories of the past week flooded her mind. In fact it hadn't just been him; it was Ray and Chris as well who seemed to be slowly sliding into a kind of dark pit of which was inescapable, but none seemed to be in as deeper or darker as Gene.

At first she had laughed it off, but today was something different as she recalled the tone of his voice as she confronted him in his office only a matter of hours ago.

****

_She groaned in aggravation. It was as if she was talking to a brick wall. _

"_God, what is wrong with everyone today?" standing in Gene's office she looked out amongst the rest of CID only to see a sea of saddened faces and she couldn't understand why._

"_Dunno ask them" she turned to stare at him as he sat solemnly in his chair slowly working his way through another cigarette. She had noticed over the past week how he seemed to be smoking more, if that was even possible._

"_What about you, what's your excuse?" she placed both hands on the desk and leaned in and yet he wouldn't even meet her eyes, he just groaned. She threw her arms in the air in exasperation._

"_I mean I don't know what's happened to everyone. Chris isn't making jokes, Ray isn't hitting on the junior officers and _you're_ not even looking at my arse! It's as if I've walked into a different world, which is ironic really as I'm already _in_ another world"_

"_Shut it. I'm not in the mood for any of yer French fruitcake bollocks today" he pulled hard on his cigarette and yet still stared into space._

_She frowned and leaned in once more._

"_Why won't you tell me?_

"_Nuthing ter tell" _

_She stared at him, just waiting for him to meet her eyes or to say something, anything, but instead he exited his seat and walked over to his filing cabinet, pulling out his whisky he refilled his third glass. He was drinking more too she had noticed._

_She approached him tentatively._

"_Gene?"_

_He didn't respond._

"_Gene... just ... just tell me and maybe I can help. I want to help Gene"_

_After a moments silence and with his back still turned he spoke with a tone so sharp that it almost cut right through her "Go away Alex"_

_The words shocked her, but his tone scared her. He had never heard him speak like that to her and the fact that he had called her by her first name was a rarity and she knew that he was serious. He didn't want her there and that caused a twinge of pain within her._

"_Gene, just let me –"_

"– _Get out Alex" he didn't shout, but there was something more to his voice, something much more than just anger and a part of her almost wished that he _would_ shout at her because then she would know how he was feeling and how to react, but this was something she had never heard before from him and she didn't know what to do. _

_For a moment all she could do was stand there, her mind trying to read the tone of his voice, but she couldn't and so slowly she stumbled backwards, a part of her still hoping that he would turn around from his cabinets, but he didn't and soon her hand was on the handle. This was his last chance to say something, she knew it and she knew that he knew it, but nothing was said and before she knew it she had ripped the door open and slammed it shut. _

_She stomped over to her desk and watched as Gene closed the blinds in his office removing him from view. _

"_Bastard" _

_****_

The lights of Luigi's were the same hazy dimness they had always been and yet the uplifting atmosphere that was usually floating through the restaurant was missing and instead it carried a heavy weight that seemed to be pulling everyone down. There was no singing tonight, no jokes, no laughter, nothing.

She couldn't take her eyes from him, he looked so... upset, confused, angry?

Lonely.

Silently she strolled over and sat at her usual seat, opposite him on their small table tucked away quietly in the corner so that it felt as if nobody could see them. He didn't even look up; instead he just twirled his half empty glass of whisky that sat firmly in his hand.

"nd' t'what do I owe this great pleasure?" he looked at her, for what felt like the first time in years and she could tell something was wrong.

"Something's wrong"

"Is it? Well please let me know when it's right again so we can 'ave a little sing song and do a little celebratory dance" he downed his whisky.

"Must you? I am trying to help you and all you seem to be doing is throwing it back in my face"

"Sorry I jus' thought you were bein' a typically _irritating_ woman, didn't realise that was 'elp"

"Yes, yes that's right, make me the person who has done wrong, that'll help whatever is hurting that _idiotic_ male pride of yours – "

" – Yer really think you know it all don't yer?"

"No Guv I don't, but why don't you tell me?" her teeth were clenched as she panted lightly.

Then silence overcame their table, their little corner and it seemed to slip into every crack and spread through the air until it surrounded them, suffocating them almost.

Her eyes were fixed on his bowed head and eventually his head rose and his eyes collided with hers and for a moment all she could see was blue, but soon she saw what lay behind them and something stirred within her.

"I can help Gene"

"No yer can't Bolly, no amount of yer psycho shit can 'elp"

"It's psychology and I'm not going to psychoanalysis you, I want to help you because you're... well, you're my Guv"

She fought down her slight embarrassment and watched him as he lifted his glass to his lips and swallowed before instantly picking up the almost emptied bottle of whisky and refilled his emptied glass.

"That help does it?" she nodded to his newly filled glass.

"If I 'ave enough of it" he sighed.

"Just give me something... anything" her voice was low and calm as she continually stared into his eyes.

Seconds past.

Minutes.

Until eventually she watched him sigh and she knew she had broken down those defensive walls of his.

"Sam"

"Sam Tyler? What about him?" she would never had expected him to say that.

"Three years ago today that bloody twat drove 'is car into the river" she could see that he was tense.

"Oh Gene, I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't realise"

She thought over the past few days and how she had snapped at them for being so down, if only she had known.

"Yeah well..."

"Do you... want to talk about it?"

"I'm not a fairy"

"Talking about it does not make you a _fairy_ Guv... It makes you human"

"What's so good about being bloody human? All we do fuck our lives up, cheat and kill"

"Y'know what Guv? Most humans actually love and _don't_ kill one anther" she smiled.

"I'll believe that when I see it Bolly"

"Can't you see any of the good around you?"

"The _good_ I can see is this bottle of whisky, your arse when yer wearin' yer tight jeans and yer mouth when its shut"

"Why don't you tell me a story about you and Sam?"

"I'm sorry I didn't realise I had landed in the world of Jackonory"

"In honour of his memory Gene"

Again there was that silence, that awful silence and she was just about to give up hope when he began to speak.

"Not long after 'e came... I was erm... I was bein' chased on a murder charge – "

" – a murder charge?" although she was shocked a bell began to ring deep within her mind, she was sure Sam had mention something about this... It was the first time he met Frank Morgan, the man whom turned out to be his surgeon.

"What are you me bleedin' paraot? Yes a murder charge... Terry Haslam , 'e was a bastard and people knew I would 'ave liked to see the back of 'im and so It didn't come as a shock to a lot of people when 'e turned up dead with 'is blood on my 'ands... Got to the point where the 'hole station 'ad turned against me... Even bloody Ray and Chris were after me, not that they were any good at it the useless twats"

He took out a cigarette.

"They had bloody forensics tying me to the scene, witnesses, the bullet came from my bloody gun ... thought me number was up Bolly –"

" – But surely you would remember if you had killed a man?"

"Oh I knew I didn't do it Bolly... Didn't need memories for that... Jus' needed to convince the rest of the bloody world"

He pulled hard on his cigarette and the smoke seeped from his nose as if he were a fiery dragon.

"I couldn't stay at my place and so I broke into Sam's and there was a point when 'is trust was waverin'... Fer a moment I thought I 'ad lost what seem to be me only mate and so I very _kindly_ reminded 'im that I was one of the good guys... just stuck in a very shitty situation"

Again he pulled on his cigarette.

"Well, anyway we got the real bastard, the bastard that set me up, but I know that if it 'adn't been for Sam and 'is pernickety girly ways I would still be rotting away in that piss-stained cell... 'e was the only one I could trust in times of shit..." He sighed "Yer once asked me if I ever get lonely Bolly... Well ter tell yer the truth those couple of months after 'e died I 'ave never felt so alone, 'e was probably me one true mate"

"What about Ray?"

"Ray... yeah 'e's a good mate and one of the best coppers around but 'e looks up ter me, tries to be like me and once or twice 'e has gone too far..." He pulled on his cigarette again, harder "'e will stand with me whether 'e thinks I'm right or not"

"Well that's a good thing isn't it?"

"Not back then Bolly, not when I would 'ave done anything to get the result I wanted, the collar I needed...I needed someone like Sam to tell me when I 'ad gone too far, ter tell me when to stop... 'Softly, softly' 'e used to say ter me 'cause 'e knew I would rather beat the shit out of a suspect now and ask the questions later in 'ospital"

"You've said that to me y'know" she smiled light as she realised the much Sam had affected his life.

"What?"

"Softly, softly"

"Well, if Tyler was 'ere now I'd give 'im a smack for getting me talking like a nancy poof" despite his words, she was sure she watched a smile tug on the edges of his mouth '

"e was the one who straightened me out"

"Straightened you out?" she frowned.

"I was as bent as they cum before 'im. It was almost expected in them days, but Sam... 'e reminded me of something I 'ad forgotten a long time before that"

"What?"

"My conscious"

Again he pulled on his cigarette which was now getting noticeably shorter.

"Sounds like he was a good friend to you"

He grunted which she knew meant his agreement "'e always 'ad me back, but the one time 'e needed me I weren't there" then she saw the deepest sadness shine from his eyes.

"You can't blame yourself for the death of Sam... It was inevitable"

"Death is inevitable Bolly, but _not_ 'is, _not_ then... I know I could 'ave saved 'im, I mean I'm not the best swimmer but I would 'ave 'im out of that lake faster than you can say psychiatry" he pulled again on his cigarette again before stubbing it out "But... I was too late. I couldn't save 'im. Bastard up and left me on me own"

She let her hand reach over and gently squeezed his hand that was rough and large in her thin slender one and she felt his squeeze back.

"I'm sorry Gene"

"Yer remind me of 'im at times"

She frowned.

"How?"

"yer both as stubbon as 'ell, always think yer know better, like ter think yer can see into the future or sumthing and always barking on 'bout bloody gettin' 'ome"

"I think you'll find _you_ are the stubborn one Mr Hunt and most of the time I _do_ know better and don't even get me started on the future or home"

"Y'see bloody stubborn, only you Boll's would argue with me on that"

"Do you miss him... Sam?"

"I will _not_ answer such a girly question"

She looked at him and he could see all that words that he would never tell hiding behind his eyes.

"You don't need to tell me, I can see it in your eyes Guv"

"Now you can see the truth through people eyes, well this will come in handy when interviewing suspect's inspector" his voice dripped sarcasm.

"You can use sarcasm as much as you want but I know that you miss him"

Silence. Then he spoke again, his voice containing something different, something so very real.

"Well I'll tell yer this much Bolly, don't you up and leave like that bastard Sam... The Gene genie is tough but I ain't that tough Mrs Fruitcake"

Her stomach twisted into a knot, getting tighter and tighter until she began to feel physically sick. She had to leave, she had to get back to Molly, but looking at Gene as he was now, and practically begging her not to leave him her heart began to race. Looking into his eyes she could see how vulnerable he was at that moment and she couldn't bring herself to think of what it would do to this man if she ever left like Sam did.

She had to though, she couldn't leave Molly.

She couldn't leave Gene.

_Molly needs me._

_Gene needs me._

This wasn't supposed to happen, she didn't even know _how_ this had happened, but it wasn't supposed to and she wished that she had never been stupid enough to form such a bond with him, but he was her constant, her rock, her Gene, how could she not?

He was everything she needed in this world, while her everything sat waiting for her in another.

It was easier for Sam, he didn't have a child to come home to, but if he did what would he have done? Would he still have returned to this world and leave a forever wondering child in the other?

Her body temperature was steadily increasing and suddenly her cheeks burned and her mind pounded with how's? What if's? Why's? And the most heartbreaking of all who? Who would it be?

Gene's voice broke her thoughts.

"Yer alright Lady Boll's? Yer 'eating up"

"What would you do if I left Gene... I mean leave for good"

Silence, only this time it seemed to scream at her and she wanted, needed him to respond and tell her that he would be fine without her but his silence was telling her everything she didn't want to hear.

"Don't matter 'cause yer not goin' anywhere Bolly"

"But what if I die here, like Sam, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I knew that you..." she found herself breathing heavily, struggling to find a steady breath.

"Dont know why yer getting all worked up Bolls, if yer go like Sam then yer wont 'ave ter live with It, I will – "

" – That's what I'm saying, I need you to promise me that no matter what happens to me you will be okay. That you will still go out and clear the streets of scum and drink excessive amounts every night here... I need to know that it will all carry on when I'm gone"

"Yer not goin' anywhere Bollyknickers, not while I'm 'ere"

"Promise me Gene" she could feel her eyes begin to prickle and she fought the oncoming tears back.

"_Bloody women_, yer won't drop anything will yer?"

Her eyes never left his and she knew he could see the threatening tears.

"Alright, don't yer dare cry on me, I promise"

"Thank you" she instantly felt relieved because she knew that whatever Gene Hunt was, he wasn't a liar and he _would_ keep his promise "now that you've promised me something I will do the same for you"

"Sounds interesting"

"I promise you that I won't leave here until absolutely necessary, whether that is in two weeks or twenty years" she stared at him understanding the true extent of what she had just promised. She had just promised to stop fighting, not to give up, no she would never to give, but in that moment she decided to wait rather than fight for the day in which she would be reunited with her daughter.

He answered in an almost exasperated tone "Call that a promise? I was expecting something like, to obey my every command or to shut me mouth when told or maybe, _just_ maybe, follow orders from my superior officer and I get _that_?"

She couldn't help but laugh and only when she looked down did she realise that still her hand was still holding his and felt for the first time Gene's thumb rubbing her knuckles subconsciously.

Gene obviously realising what she was looking at quickly withdrew his hand and picked up his glass.

"Right. Well. Now that's over, I'm getting pissed" his eyes held hers and she could still feel the heat from his hand on hers "Yer welcome to join me if yer stop talking like such a girl otherwise before you know it we will be braiding each others 'air and pillow fighting"

She smiled at him and called over the bar "The usual please Luigi" 'the uaul' meaning a bottle of red and a glass which soon appeared and within a minute her glass was full.

She went to take her first mouthful when she watched Gene raise his own glass in preparation for a toast.

"Ter Sam wherever that stupid twat is now"

"To Sam" her glass collided with his.

"Oh and er If I eva' 'ear you repeat our little talk jus' now I will 'ave ter find some kind of suitable punishment"

She couldn't resist a cheeky smile tugging at her lips.

"Well you know what a chatterbox I can be"

"Well then we will 'ave ter find a way of keeping that mouth of yours closed"

"Any suggestions?" she slightly rose her eyebrow in a flirtatious manner.

"Pleanty. Jus' look at the doodles in me notebook"

**Tah Dar =D Thank you for reading and I hope you liked it and If you be so kind and leave me a little review to let me know what you thought I would be very grateful and will of course reply =D **


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